An Algorithm for Erdos-Bacon Number Minimization

The idea is to includes enough co-authors (and some actors) to optimize the combinational Erdos-Bacon number. I appreciate that the authors actually filmed a "movie" with someone who was an extra in a movie with Sigourney Weaver, who was in a movie with Bacon, in order to establish an upper-bound of six on their paper.

• Zane: 10
• Execution: 9
• Effort: 8
• Citations: 8
• Total: 8.75

Classical Modal Logic: the magic of music, judgementally reconstructed

where the transposition operator $+_7$ is defined in the obviously canonical way.

++ for including a category theory graph for no reason.

• Zane: 8
• Execution: 8
• Effort: 8
• Citations: 10
• Total: 8.5

The Church-Monk Isomorphism

“All musicians are subconsciously mathematicians.” —Thelonious Monk

“And vice versa.” —Alonzo Church

Slightly lengthier than an abstract, rare brief Bovik W.

• Zane: 10
• Execution: 8
• Effort: 6
• Citations: 10
• Total: 8.5

DPS Conversion: A New Paradigm in Higher-Order Compilation

• Zane: 8
• Execution: 8
• Effort: 8
• Citations: 5
• Total: 7.25

DeltaX: A New Paradigm for Machine Translation

• Zane: 7
• Execution: 8
• Effort: 10
• Citations: 10
• Total: 8.75

System Description: Google Ghost

• Zane: 6
• Execution: 10
• Effort: 6
• Citations: 6
• Total: 7.5

The Next 700 Intuitionistic Linear Logics

• Zane: 6
• Execution: 6
• Effort: 7.5
• Citations: 10
• Total: 7.375

Harnessing Human Computation: β-reduction hero

Figure 1, depicting Sample Hero Quotient Effects, includes "cocaine" and it's heroic quotient.

• Zane: 8
• Execution: 10
• Effort: 10
• Citations: 10
• Total: 9.5

The Dissatisfactory Doily: Generating Your Own Terrible Towel Rip-Off

• Zane: 6
• Execution: 6
• Effort: 6
• Citations: 0
• Total: 4.5

You Keep Dying

You keep overfull hbox and you keep dying

• Zane: 6
• Execution: 7
• Effort: 5
• Citations: 0
• Total: 4.5

Human Computation Method for Generating High Impact Research Papers

• Zane: 8
• Execution: 10
• Effort: 8
• Citations: 8
• Total: 8.5

On a lexicographic ordering in spring

(should cite for "how to be a swe" submission)

• Zane: 6
• Execution: 9
• Effort: 7
• Citations: 8
• Total: 7.5

The Generalized Cubic Law of Nature: An Answer to Oneism Evil

Pays homage to the sacred time cube ++

• Zane: 7
• Execution: 10
• Effort: 10
• Citations: 11
• Total: 9.5

Are you GOD?

• Zane: 3
• Execution: 2
• Effort: 3
• Citations: 10
• Total: 4.5

Holy States Can Save the World!

• references Cycle depletion and garbage collection from previous Boviks. Introduces the notion of the sacrament of state change ++

• Zane: 8

• Execution: 10

• Effort: 10

• Citations: 11

• Total: 4.5

Simple Systems: A Holistic, Postmodern Alternative to the Oppressive and Outdated Study of Complex Systems

but as theorists from Sartre to Kolmogorov to Jesus have convincingly argued, those who try to understand the essence of complexity using kilogram minds (with apologies to dualists) are doomed to atrophied muscles, bad tempers, and no girlfriends.

• if I'm not mistaken, it straight up plucks the graph diagram from a previous paper on racial graph partition dynamics.

² Your mother, dear reader, would require a significantly larger constant factor.

• Zane: 8
• Execution: 8
• Effort: 8
• Citations: 10
• Total: 8.5

A crowdsourced approach to proving robot uprising safety

• Zane: 7
• Execution: 10
• Effort: 7
• Citations: 10
• Total: 8.5

A Simplified Interface for Basic Computer Tasks

• Zane: 8
• Execution: 10
• Effort: 2
• Citations: 0
• Total: 5

T*Y*T* Fails to Solve the Halting Problem . . . and Computer Science Confirms They Never Will

Toyota makes touring machines

• topical discussion of Toyota recall ++

• Zane: 10

• Execution: 10

• Effort: 7

• Citations: 0

• Total: 6.75

Developing an Algorithm for “Enhance” Functionality in Image Processing

• real upscaling like they do in the movies

• Call by name as opposed to call by hue, saturation, or value ++ for puns

• Chronological peregrination alg

• Zane: 7

• Execution: 6

• Effort: 6.5

• Citations: 10

• Total: 7.375

Hyperbolic Rendering for Result Enhancement

• hyperbole-bolic

• box and circle plot of a dong (foreshadowing)

• HFA (Home Field Advantage)

• Zane: 7

• Execution: 10

• Effort: 9

• Citations: 0

• Total: 6.5

The Box and Circles Plot: a Tool for Research Comparison

• buncha dicks

• measuring quantities according to length, girth, bend, novelty, and distribution

• Impact graph is a legit ppt money shot – how did this get accepted lmfao

• Zane: 10

• Execution: 10

• Effort: 8

• Citations: 10

• Total: 9.5

Department Productivity in Computer Science as a Ratio of Gender Diversity

Reduce $\infty$ to like 10,000 for simplicity

2.9 Related Work None, since no one was willing to make the politically incorrect (but scientifically correct) argument I am about to.

• Zane: 10
• Execution: 9
• Effort: 7
• Citations: 10
• Total: 9

Functional Perl: Programming with Recursion Schemes in Python

• making fun of python by treating all objects as Exceptions to be thrown, excluding those that we wish to handle as a very roundabout way of exhaustive pattern matching enforcement

Then, when trying to accomplish something in JS:

Luckily, the authors of JavaScript had the foresight to foresee the need to improve the language; i

Psycho self-manipulating code ++

It is worth noting in a smaller font that the language extension does not handle the case that source code appears inside string or regular-expression literals. Another way to put this is that the language extension successfully ferrets out not just uses of the new feature but mentions of it as well.

• Zane: 10
• Execution: 10
• Effort: 10
• Citations: 10
• Total: 10

First Year Student’s Thoughts on Reflections on Bovik’s Seminal Work: Professional Student’s Strategy for Perpetual Funding at CMU

• Zane: 1
• Execution: 1
• Effort: 1
• Citations: 10
• Total: 3.25

Feasibility Analysis of Cooking Spaghetti with Meatballs

• Zane: 8
• Execution: 3
• Effort: 3
• Citations: 0
• Total: 3.5

Cat-a-logging!!11!

• Zane: 5
• Execution: 3
• Effort: 5
• Citations: 9
• Total: 5.5

A novel approach to managing information overload in syndicated feed readers

• Zane: 5
• Execution: 3
• Effort: 3
• Citations: 0
• Total: 2.75

"Pimp My Library" is an Affront to Pimpers of the World, Everywhere

• References an apparently real quote from Odersky about pimping your JVM classes via inheritance.

• ++ for a footnote calling the readers "bitches"

• Zane: 10

• Execution: 10

• Effort: 10

• Citations: 10

• Total: 10

Computation in the Complex Time Plane

• introduces "undeletion", complex multithreading, "hideous kojima"

• Zane: 10

• Execution: 6

• Effort: 6

• Citations: 10

• Total: 8

The Reviewers Must Be Crazy: A Plea For Sanity in Peer Review

• use of "we" instead of "I" in single-author papers indicates BPD

• Zane: 6

• Execution: 7

• Effort: 8

• Citations: 0

• Total: 5.25

FAIL-Talk: Fully Automatic Incomprehensible Language Talks

• build on previous work from Auto-talk which glamm'd presentations. This new iterations ensures that you never get asked to give a talk again.

Black background, brown text, and extra bullets for intra-word emphasis devastate any remaining comprehensibility.

• Zane: 7
• Execution: 8
• Effort: 8
• Citations: 5
• Total: 7

An Analysis and Redesign of the Evacuation Instructions in an Academic Office Building

• Zane: 6
• Execution: 8
• Effort: 7
• Citations: 0
• Total: 5.25

All my friends’ researches are cooler than mine

William Lovas refines types finer and finer until they are sharp enough to stab a bitch [2],

• Zane: 4
• Execution: 7
• Effort: 7
• Citations: 10
• Total: 7.75

How to successfully prevent the flow of information in research presentations

• Discussion of the Bovik quadrant of research (not interesting AND not useful)

• References Dune (by my count, this is the third paper this year to do so)

• Zane: 7

• Execution: 8

• Effort: 10

• Citations: 10

• Total: 8.75

An Alternate Construction Method for the Surreal Numbers

• literally just acid

• Zane: 5

• Execution: 2

• Effort: 1

• Citations: 0

• Total: 2

An Alternate Construction Method for the Surreal Numbers

• literally just acid

• Zane: 5

• Execution: 2

• Effort: 1

• Citations: 0

• Total: 2

The first paper on SAMIR – ANVESH

The second paper on SAMIR – ANVESH

The third and the last paper on SAMIR – ANVESH

• Zane: 10
• Execution: 5
• Effort: 10
• Citations: 10
• Total: 8.75

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